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Jerry, Bing, Maria, Me
Jan 1, 2005

James Dwayne Sherland About My Family

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Meeting my Wife Bing

I was serving as a Data Systems petty officer (2nd class) on board the USS Worden CG-18 stationed at Pearl Harbor Hawaii. The duty was rigorous but I learned how to scuba dive when I first got there and enjoyed the islands very much. However, as you might expect, a war ship is not always in port. As a matter of fact I later calculated that I would have seen more of Hawaii on a Hertz get away than the 3 years I spent onboard the Worden. We were headed home from the Persian Gulf (Desert Storm) when we pulled in to Olongapo Philippines for a three day refit.

My responsibilities for this port visit were very small - just paint the o3 weather deck and stack. After work I had lberty for all three days (a rare thing with an entirely different story). So on the first day I had my mind made up to go for dinner and some dancing at a nearby night club. My good friend Steve Buchan was stationed-dito (PI Slang for here) and wanted to visit one of his old haunts and catch up with some of the local ladies he used to hang out with. I VERY reluctantly agreed to go with him to keep him company. Am I glad I did. We got to the "Giligans Island" cantina about an hour efter we left the ship. There were jeepneys and tricycles and about a million potholes to get us outside of Olongapo to one of the close little barios known as the Baretto. When Steve first walked in most of his old friends met him and it was a grand reunion. The party started and all the ladies began to flirt shamelessly and tell stories of the good old days. Everything was going as you might expect when I first noticed the lady washing the dishes. While the untrained eye may beguile you to think all of these cute little borown ladies all ooked the same I beg to differ. As soom as I looked at her there were heart shapes instantly plantedin my eyes. My breath was taken away, and I knew who I was going to spend the rest of my life with (well at least for that night). We dated for all three nights the Worden was in port (again a miracle by itself) and exchanged phone numbers with obligatory insincere promises to write. At least it must have seemed like that at the time to my wife Bing.
But uncharicteristic of other sailors, and other promises I actually did write. And write, and write and write. Later I found out that her english skills were less honed than I had even imagined. She relied on her Gilligan's Island friends to co-op an interpetation of every letter. Some were quite intimate and you can imagine my embarrassment to learn of her self-appointed committe making comments on how best to reply to some of the more... eh hem... privat issues. But as I had no clue to any of this at that the time it does bring the old adage into sharp relief - ignorance is bliss. All together I expect we wrote (we being used in the broadest sense of the word) back and forth for 10 months to a year. Life was not getting easier on the ship and I was convinced that I needed to spend a little private time with my "object of affection" and after a bit of research learned 2 important things. I couldn't go over there. And she could only come here at my bidding through the Fiance visa application. Could this bethe sound of wedding bells ?

   Life in Hawaii

The story of how my wife got to the United States is long and tedious regarding the lightening speed of the Naturalization and Immigration Service of the United States. Suffice it to say they do what they can with the amount of forms, rubber stamps, and unhappy employees. You may be able to get a hint of how adamantly I amopposed to any amnesty program for illegal aliens. I will say that the immigration process for Bing had to be gut wrenching. I think of her leaving everyone and everything she ever knew. It still gives me pause.
My story on this side starts with a 2 hour wait outside the international terminal at the Honolulu International Airport. I had to use a sign so that she would know who I was (just in case she didn't remember me from the 3 days we spent together the year before. Sounds like true love eh ?? Of course she had pictures but she wanted me to use a sign. The doors were covered so the only glimpse I could get of the visa checkout lines was about 20 seconds every time someone else came through. After the first hour I started imagining some horrible mistake with the paoper work and a gruff heavey set immigration officer dragging poor Bing into a closet somewhere. BUt at last the doors open and to my staring eyes there she is. Well at least I think that is her. She looks Filippino, and she is sort of the same kind of face. Well she came to the sign... um... who are you ? Are you Bing ? Very awkward , I bet you can't imagine. Through the intense pressure of relocating and the unknowns of everything that poor woman lost more weight than she could afford to. She looked more like a refuge from Pakistan than any picture I had of her. The thought "what have you gotten yourself into" kept racing through my mind.
The relationship actually declined from that point. If you can believe it. The Fiance visa allowed her to be in the United States (LEGALLY) for 90 days unmarried. After that she'd better be sportin' a ring or else back to the PI with ya.. This added an enormous amount of pressure to an already pressurized situation. In retrospect I would have to say thre was no human possibility of this thing ever working out. But thank God it was not up to us to work it out. He alone has the type of power that can turn this type of situation to what it is today. Bing and I worked on our marriage from day one and still have to work very hard to make steady improvements. It is obviously His divine grace that allows us to enjoy the wonderful relationship we have now.

   We get Maria to the U.S.

Bing is a list person. She had a list of some major things she wanted to accomplish when she arrived here. She wanted to finish her high school diploma or get a GED. She wanted to learn how to drive, and most importantly she wanted to get her children here. The education and the driving were a little bit more in the control of her and I. It took the enduring patience of God to deal with the INS again for the proper procedures to bring Maria over here. But perseverance is a commodity and when it is the only currency being exchanged it is what must be done. It took about a year to get all the paper work done. There were physical exams and intervierws etc.. Finally Maria flys to the very same airport that her mother did the year before. This time, no sign. Everything else was pretty much the same. It made me wonde if the Filippino people have to go inside this big tumble dryer before they get on the plane for the 14 hour flight between Manilla and Honolulu.
Maria arrived and enjoyed herself pretty much from the get go. She excelled in school and it was obvious from the earliest I knew her she was a very focussed and driven individual. Most especially when it was something she wanted and her parents didn't. She was enrolled in Pearl City High School in Pearl City, Hawaii and never had any noticeable problems. It is difficult for anyone to transition to a new culture but I would have to say for her she made it look easy. Even the difficulty with school she managed pretty much on her own. She is a real go getter I would recommend to anyone that you stay on her good side. She is one ho really doesn't mind conflict at all. As a matter of fact it is more like the conflict is what is fun with her.
She graduated from High School at Pearl City. They used the Pro Bowl to do the ceremony how cool is that ? I was living in London at the time for a project I was doing and she wasn't expecting me to be at the graduation. I remember sort of forcing my boss to let me go for a few days and got on a plane in London the morning she was graduating. I actually surprised Bing by letting myself in the house when she had stepped out for a minute. We both went to the graduation and suprised Maria. It was a pretty special moment.
Well graduation is behind us and Maria is still performing as you would expect. She got married and moved to Texas with her husband. She married a fine upstanding man named Kelvin Barden who was in the Army and currently serves in the Air National Gaurd. She had a few jobs before she decided to continue her education. She breezed through Medical Assistant school and has been working for Concentra here in Atlanta for the past year. Her and Kelvin have recently purchased a home in Dallas Georgia. Mom and Dad are putting overt and covert pressure in all it's awkward forms on them for procreation... more to follow...

   We get Jerry to the U.S.

With Bings list of to do's nearly finished all of her attention was put into getting her son Anzarie Donato (Jerry) here to the U.S. It took the same persistence and patience of bringing Jerry's paper work up to snuff and get him to land in the very same airport that his siter and Mom did before him. Not sure if they all three sat in the same seat on the same plane as well. So Jerry arrived here in the US at Honolulu International Airport just like his lineage before him. Unfortunately his transition was a little bit more dificult than Maria. At least with regard to his educational pursuits. While he may not have been as successful as Maria in the learning arena he has surpassed anyone I know at relationaship building. I have often said "Jerry can go to the Mojave desert for a weekend and come home with a phone book full of friends. It truly is remarkable.
As a matter of fact his favor has overcome his lack of education. He is currently working in an Atlanta area company doing CAD drawings for schematics and wiring designs. He has a white Honda Accord, PS2, his own room complete with stereo and TV. What more could a guy want ?